Shakespeare for the day, I left my heart in the city by the bay

i NEED to sit by the SEA and FORGET that i’m ALIVE

i’m glad ants dont know how big jupiter is or they would be fucked up about it. i was fucked up about it. jupiter is huge

Me at work: wow I can’t wait to go home and take a shower and make some food and wash my clothes and learn advanced biology and apply for NASA and make a breakthrough in modern physics
Me: *Gets home and falls asleep on the door handle*

attention!!! i am currently seeking employment!!! i will accept any of the following offers:

• governess for an intelligent child in an old, decaying mansion in the english/scottish countryside (MAYBE american, but it has to be a part of the country where it rains a lot) (note: the house must host at LEAST one ghost) (second note: if the child’s parent is single, good-looking, brooding, moody, and compatible with my sexual orientation, even better)
• handmaiden for the Lady Of the House in a mansion, castle, or sprawling country estate (note: the Lady Of the House must avoid questions, give vague answers about her history, have a fondness for red wine, and avoid venturing outside during daylight hours. a fondness for masquerade balls is not required but HIGHLY preferred)
• personal tutor for the Young Lady Of the House whose father will not allow her to see any men, but feels he can trust me, another young woman, to keep his daughter out of trouble (note: in this scenario i can play piano so we can play together and “accidentally” brush hands)
• assistant to a private investigator in a city where it always rains and always seems to be night, with vaguely humanoid clientele (note: the investigator must wear a long, black coat. after i’ve solved a case all my own – probably around book 4 or 5 – i get one too.)
• secretary or assistant to a friendly, wealthy, but suspiciously evasive businessman, who i have an awkward friendship with (note: the businessman must secretly be a thief but he doesn’t tell me at first because he wants to protect me) (second note: he must also be in love with me) (third note: after a few months of this i become a thief too)

sir you dont understand. if i dont take off my pants & put on an incredibly large sweater when i get home i’ll die